Karsten's Improv (Updated)

Karsten approached me this morning, "You want to hear a joke?" The boy had never made such an offer before, so I quickly agreed.

Karst: How do ducks fly?

Me: Um, with their wings?

Karst: YES!

He followed that whopper with this:

Karst: How do ducks fly with their wings?

Me: Hmm, how?

Karst: [stands up and starts flapping his arms wildly in duck-like fashion]

Wow, that's comedy gold.
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Travis adds Thursday AM: Karsten is apparently working on new material. At breakfast this morning he delivered another side-splitter.

Karst: What did the spoon say to the cereal?

Me: I don't know, what?

Karst: "Who put me in this milk?!"

Sharks

My kids have good memories. NO they have great selective memories.

Proof: One time during a family night, I asked Karsten if he knew the 2nd Article of Faith. He immediately piped up and said YES! I was surprised by the answer, wondering if I taught him and then forgot I did, or maybe he learned in Sunday School while we weren't looking -- so I asked him to repeat it. He then rattled off the 1st Article of Faith, I said no that’s not it, so he then rattled off everything that he had ever memorized this last year. It consisted of something like 4 talks, a scripture, some school homework, a few books… well you get the point.

Taegan is always reminding me of who bought her what shoe or dress or shirt or pants or hat or toy or…but I thought it was pretty easy because 90% comes from Grandma. The other day she and I were driving in the car and she got on the subject of Santa and Christmas. She told me all the things she got in her stocking, and then what Karsten got and then what each person in the family got as a gift and who gave what to whom. She is 2. I can not for the life of me remember what I ate for breakfast today, let alone 2 months ago…

Anyways, onto to the subject at hand. Every morning for the last month or so Karsten will quiz me on a random topic during breakfast and then regurgitate everything he has ever heard about the subject. The latest… SHARKS:

Mom, how many kinds of sharks can you name?

Mom, do sharks like turkey?

Mom, why does a hammerhead shark have WEIRD pointy things coming out of his nose?

Mom, did you know that a shark will bite your leg if he thinks it is a fish? But it is OK because people can take you to the hospital and it can be glued back on!

The last comment made me raise an eyebrow, I then asked him what he is talking about and he explained that he, Taeg', and his dad like to watch shark shows on TV (side note: Travis loves the discovery, history, military, food network, or any other channel that requires interviews, stats, and narrators). Well, last night before I took off to play V-ball, I caught them in action.

Karst’ & Taeg' were rolled up like tacos. I am still unsure if this was the kid’s request or Travis’, either way everyone was happy when I left the house.
I guess it is good that my kids can remember stuff, because I will never be able to teach them the things they learn while watching the history channel with their father. I mean who knew that a Lemon Shark would eat a license plate but not a turkey!

Karsten's first trip to the dentist

Karsten has been looking forward to today for a couple weeks -- it was his first dental exam.

He sat impatiently in the waiting room while his father filled out various forms. "I think it's time for you to be done," he said earnestly, as his father tried to recall the boy's medical history. Eventually his father finished the paperwork and handed the clip board to Karst' so he could deliver it to the receptionist.

Within moments, Karst' was seated in an exam chair getting x-rays and going over the menu of toothpastes. "We have strawberry, mint, orange, or bubble gum." Karst' went with orange, which he enjoyed immensely. The dental hygienist let Karst' hold the suction hose, and showed him how to vacuum out all the toothpaste. He enjoyed that immensely too. He may have sucked out a tonsil.

The dentist declared his teeth perfect and gave him a gift bag full of toothbrushes, floss, mouth rinse, and toys. Before we even left the exam room, he shouted, "That was AWESOME!" -- which made the whole staff laugh out loud.

Crentist

Travis has been politely telling me that it is my turn to do this. So here goes.

I went to the Crentist today. Halfway through my appointment I remember why it had been so long since I have been to one. I look to the left and there is a bunch of tools that resemble something from a torture scene in a horror movie, straight ahead of me the sun is shining in my face so I can't even see and to the right is the crestist with what feels like her whole arm inside my mouth all the while talking in what seems to be a foreign language, "b11, 4, 5, 6 oiudf%%#$%, gum, tooth, OUUOWER ^%#$%". When it is all done, she smiles and then talks about flossing and gums and how they are directly linked to cardio vascular health. I finally ask for the bottom line.

Crentist: You have a cavity and I will need to see you back, one of your teeth in the back section, row 48, seat 7 has a major crack in it and I will need to investigate how deep but first I want to fix the filling.

Me: OK, Do I need to be worried about the cracked tooth?

Crentist: I am not as worried about it as much as the cavity; also you are grinding your teeth really bad. Large portions of your teeth in section 97, row 17, seats 4, 5,6 7,8 8,9 5,4 3,3 look like you are either biting you food very hard or you have a serious grinding problem.

Me: What causes grinding? How do I know when I am doing it? And how do I stop it?

Crentist: You have not been doing it your whole life; this is fairly recent grinding, like not even a couple years old. Reduce your stress or you are going to need a mouth guard.

Me: What the crap? Ok I didn’t say that aloud.

I just asked about reducing stress, she suggested Yoga, stretching, deep breathing.......

Am I stressed? Maybe I have just gotten used to the feeling of tension in my body, and grinding is my way of an outlet. Which would explain why my teeth ache in the morning and I have been having some serious headaches. I have not slept through the night since Taeg was born and I wish I could blame her but I cannot. Maybe I should take up kickboxing instead of Volleyball and teeth grinding.

Bottom Line: I shouldn't go to the Crentist, I never feel good afterward, I just feel stressed.
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Travis adds: Wii Fit -- it's good for your teeth!

Travis later adds: I added a link to explain Melissa's "Crentist" reference -- we initially assumed everyone else in the world watches The Office every week like us.