I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.

Reading the Oregonian this morning, there was a blurb about tomorrow being the six-year anniversary of the death of comedian Mitch Hedberg.  Years before succumbing to a drug overdose, he joked: "I used to do drugs.  I still do drugs.  But I used to, too."  Some of Mitch's material is not appropriate for a family blog like this, but he had a gift for making hilarious observations about everyday life.

A lot of times, I'll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake.

My college roommates and I enjoyed watching his comedy specials on TV.  We'd laugh until tears ran from our eyes.  He had a unique way of delivering his one-liners -- it was difficult to tell if he was an eccentric hipster or just really high.  Of course, it's entirely possible he was both.  Check out his appearance on David Letterman several years ago.

If you go to the grocery store and stand in front of the lunch meat section for too long, you start to get p***ed off at turkeys.  You see turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna -- somebody needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourself."

I still think of that joke every time I'm in the deli aisle.  Here's one that comes to mind whenever I put on a turtleneck sweater:

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Here's a few more of my favorite Mitch quotes:

I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

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I got a king sized bed.  I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.  "Oh, you're a king, you say?  Well you won't believe what I have in store for you!  It's to your exact specifications!  I believe I can set up your lady friend, too!"

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An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.  You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs.  Sorry for the convenience."

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I recently took up ice sculpting.  Last night I made an ice cube.  This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

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I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember.  Something like two two two two two two two two.  I would say "Sweet."  And then people would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say, "Just press two for a while.  And when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."

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I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man.  I don't know how I get away with it.