Dumb Olympic Events (Part I)

Thanks to NBC's expansive Olympic coverage and our Tivo, we've been able to sample some new athletic fare. Some events seemed intriguing at first, but they eventually grew tiresome.

Take fencing (please!).

At first glance, fencing appears to have all the ingredients for unmitigated awesomeness. Put two athletes in hazmat suits and sneakers, give them swords and encourage them to stab each other. How could this possibly become tedious?!

Well, they don't actually try to stab each other; a touch of the sword will suffice. And they don't get to chase each other around the gymnasium and jump around a'la Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride. They're confined to a narrow catwalk. The action itself is very fast, so fast that it's often hard for the referee (or anybody else) to see who got touched first. Back in the day, fencers would attempt to influence the referee's decision by celebrating madly after every engagement. The annoying practice persists today, even though the fencers wear electronic sensors in their shirts and the referee can review the instant replay.

Try to imagine two NFL teams suiting up in pads and helmets...to play touch football. Every down is 4th and inches, and the offense has one play -- run the ball in a narrow area right behind the center. Now imagine that when the whistle blows, both sides celebrate madly, but the referee must go to the replay everytime. This isn't sport, this is silliness.

This is fencing.