Back in 2001, Notre Dame hired George O'Leary as head football coach. Less than a week later the university discovered that Coach O'Leary had, well, made some stuff up on his resume. He didn't actually have a masters degree in education (or in any other field), and he wasn't actually a three-time letterman on his college football team -- he only played two years, and he never actually played in a game. Consequently, he never actually coached at Notre Dame either. He was promptly fired.
I recently started work at a federal agency. The hiring process included a lot of paperwork, including the SF-85 Questionnaire for Non-Sensitive Positions -- which may as well be titled "Everything About Yourself That You Have Since Forgotten." The feds don't let you get away with just remembering the address of the run-down apartment you lived in 3 years ago, you have to put the name of someone who can confirm you lived there. Oh, and don't even think of putting someone like a spouse, or relative, or anyone else who actually likes you.
I've since discovered that the people I listed got letters from the feds asking them if Travis really did live in that run-down apartment 3 years ago. "Hey Travis! What is this?!" Oh, well, you know, sorry I didn't tell you I gave the feds your name and address. I guess I didn't think they would actually check. Oh yeah, they check.
I'm just glad I didn't engage in any resume inflation, because the sky's really the limit when you can just make stuff up. I would have included the fact that I was a member of Duran Duran during the 80's. Don't believe me? BAM! Indisputable photographic evidence. I should probably also include a few bullet points in the "Skills" section about my gold medal in badminton (Bob Costas called me the greatest non-Chinese badminton player ever!), and don't forget my signature line of adorable feline apparel and accessories. Why is the webpage in Japanese? Oh, because I'm fluent in Japanese. Domo arigato Mr. Roboto!
Yup, no resume inflation for me. Now excuse me while I try to smooth things over with my former neighbors.
2 comments:
Where do you come up with this stuff? Cat apparell? How did I not know you were in Duran Duran? While I was playing dolls, I was assuming that you were playing the synthesizer in your room, not off touring. There's proof that you can live one room over and not know each other. sniff sniff.
p.s. LOVE the swamp thing!
I didn't talk about Duran Duran much. Sure, I played the maracas on a few tracks, and that was me repeatedly whispering "hungry like the wolf" -- but I was really just eye candy. The other guys got jealous and voted me out of the band. It's still hard for me to talk about.
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